assalamualaikum,
I have been busy since I started my new semester...it was hectic...everything need to be done and everyone is pacing irregularly fast...sometimes, it feels like how can people have enough time with only 24/7...it is too short!
well, doom...haha...maybe no one else feels like that...its only me...why? because I am lazy, stubborn...and also sgt2 suke procastinate...when dateline is near, mula lah jadik lipas kudung...but I think that is me...I love to work last minutes because I think I will be more focus and concentrate....
however, despite my busyness, I was down for about 3 days including today...well, the reason is because my own stupidity...feeling happy with love but at one point, the love hunt you down to your deepest despair...
love that I meant is love for everything....not for couple only, which means couple is still included, but with other loves...hehehe
what I wanna say is that, sometimes I am a bit confused...
is this feeling what we called love? or is it destiny? or is it a mistake?
a mistake that is done when I carelessly let my heart fall for someone, loves someone so deep,
and blinded by the love...
well, I was disappointed with everyone that I love...
every single person that I love...
sometimes it feels like the world is too cruel, the people in it are cruel...
but how come, I also feel that fate is cruel...
I know its wrong but that is just a feeling...
what I face this week was a very expected outcome that would happen...
I admit it was my mistake, no other person is involved...
however, what hurts me most is that the fact, the reality that is being repeated again and again at my ears to hear it...for my head to digest it...and for my brain to finally able to memorise it...that is the real pain...
how I feel like shouting to everyone
"Yes I know and what the hell are you doing by repeating the fact again and again? I knew it already..."
yes,
I know the fact that I am stupid for believing an empty dream
I know all he tells are lies...
I know there will never be end
I know what I did was wrong
I know the feelings is not eternal...
I know the punishment is cruel...
I know my study is important
I know that I am bound to repay everyone kindness...
I know it!!!!
I just knew it and no one can ever imagine how I felt...
but for once, did you all really need to spur all the truth right to my face for me to hear it? for me to see it? and for me to always realise it?
its unbearable...really...
just like during SPM, I was left, alone...
it feels like I was pushed down a really high cliff and all I got was just myself...
no one ever said anything...so, I can live...
because, I am prepared...I know that day will come one day...
sooner or later it will come...he will leave...
and when it happens, I accepted it...
because eventhough I know it was a mistake from beginning,
I am the one who choose and decide for it...
I accept is as fact...even with regret...
although no one told me the fact,
deep in my heart I always believe the fact of him, leaving...
so, just keep the fact to yourself...
just like when someone is sick and dying...
do you think she will like it if you tell her so many times that she is dying???
do you think she is glad and happy enough that someone is actually reminding her that she wont live long???
no, she will not like it...and she will never ask...
but deep inside her heart,
she knows, she understand and she is preparing herself
to accept that she is dying...
sometimes, there are facts that even though it is not told,
people know...or at least the heart knows...
so, just let it be...let the heart decide...you dont have to be like an alarm clock that always ring to remind someone that her time has come or is coming nearer or reminding how will it end...
it already hurts so much to prepare myself for the possibility...
but it hurts more when everyone is making me realise that I am still not ready for the possibility...
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