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Tuesday, December 27, 2011

129. Finding Resolution


here is my facebook status recently :
"kadang2 di saat hati mula ragu, ada keyakinan datang menyelinap dalam diri...begitu juga ketika hati mula yakin, ada cubaan dan dugaan datang mencabar..."

acutally, I have been in this relationship with someone for only about 3 months...well, today, it is exactly 3 months but the real basis of our relationship is actually much longer than that..hehe...(feeling satisfied)

however, lately I have been disturbed by an issue that makes my heart become emotionally unstable...
and the only issue that would arise is about the hukum for being in relationship (of course)...there are so many ideas and arguments about it...I agree to the opinion that we should refer to more than one source, but this matter seems like there will be no definite resolution...just like the earth, it keeps going round and round without an end to the route...(and I am feeling frustrated already)

so, due to this error in the programming of my soul, I frequently doubted what is right and what is wrong...when I try to do things according to the arguments from side A, I will start to objectively agreeing to the arguments from side B...and vice versa...hence, this has affected my emotion and sometimes, (I think most of the time..he would think so too) I will be very uncomfortable that I started to treat him cold as ever..colder than the ice at the earth pole... :'(

but still, whenever this problem is discussed, there are no real answers to solve the arguments will always come up and there will be new debate on, when exactly will it end??? (hope someone can answer me)

so, at first, I always avoid from telling this problem to my bf...whenever he asked, I always give excuses and said there is nothing wrong...but I cannot deny it that I felt really bad to have him be treated very, one day, I just figure out that I should and can share the problem with him...

so there start the explanation and confession of what really was going on and what was really wrong with me...and he was like lost in words and he just said that he loves me and we will try our best to make sure that this relationship is not taking the wrong in the end we finally agreed to work hard together to take care this relationship well and always reminds each other...(I was so glad)

but then, a few days later, I found two things that freaked me was a status at facebook and the other one is the tweet at they are:

from facebook,

"According to research, those in arranged marriages – or who have had their partner chosen for them by a parent or matchmaker – tend to feel more in love as time grows, whereas those in regular marriages feel less in love over time.. "
(hidden identity)

from twitter,

"Don’t stay in a haram relationship with the intention of making it halal someday. Who promised you tomorrow? "
(hidden identity)

hence, because of these two I would say, quotes from someone, they really hits directly through my heart leaving a very huge hole on it...huhu...I am so sad and I shared what I found with my, he was at the same state with me and he was startled by it...he was speechless at the moment and suddenly he stop replying my message...

at first I thought that he was feeling bad or what, but suddenly his text message came in and as usual, he sent me words of comforts that allow me to agree and decide the resolution for the is a part of his message that I was really touched...

"...make it clear and put aside all the other unnecessary remind me, I will remind you...what happen now, make it worth for the future...we pray to Allah, may Allah keep our hearts at the right path...and if we are going to be together, may we be blessed...but if not, may Allah separate us in a good way...if it turns out that He is testing us, be strong and remain, cause He knows whats best for both of us..."

sometimes, we can turn our destiny and fate the other way playing monopoly, there will always be fate through out the whole round...and the fate itself is a probability that is still cannot be confirmed to be a certainty...what is certain is we will stop by at the fate box, but what fate card will we open up, nobody can tell...but the fate card that is fated for us, can always change depends on the arrangements of the cards when it is prepared...

so, be well and strong enough to view everything positively from every aspect of that we will be satisfied and we will not be frustrated with our decision...

"there is no such thing as right decision...but we got to make the decision to be doing the right things after choosing our decision..."


"never afraid of feeling regret...cause there should be no regrets...if its good, then its its bad, then its experience...learn from it well..."

that's all...gtg...someone's waiting for me...

Adios Amigos!!!

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