assalamualaikum,
I was really waiting and looking forward to this post...the hundredth post in my blog...actually, I started this blog with the reason of writing story between someone and me, hoping that this blog will be the place where I can pour all my feelings and disappointment...
it became like that because I was in despair...and I was really down at that moment, living with just 0.01% of hopes to continue and go on with my life...how I belief that this 0.01% will never turn out to be dreams come true, I still hold tightly onto it...because without it, I never know if I could make it this far, to remain bold enough to face everything...
through the time, like people say, "time heals all wounds", I began to live more normally each day...I regain my strength and independence...I realized what my living purposes are and I know being so down low is not one of my vision in life...I stood up again and become strict enough to my own heart and feelings to become strong and hard enough to be broken...
that is why my blog now is quite stable with no more such emotional and sadist post...it is now just a mere story of human life in this drama of life...I regain my consciousness of not become so weak in preventing my heart to feel even the slightest wound...
as time goes by, I started to accept everything that happen...ready enough to let it go despite the strong longing for it to return at the deepest basement of my heart...but no one is to know...
and now, as right now, the present time, this blog will again be filled with its old reason of that someone...however, it will be just different, total paradox from before...
because now, the story will be happy and nice things, just like fairy tales...I am afraid, but this is what happening now...I am now happy, not too happy..but happy enough to have met someone...someone that always able to calm me down in any moments..I am grateful...
my heart has been mended without me realizing it...but now, I am well prepared with any changes in the future...as the time comes, I have to be sure that I will not fall like before...
well, the only point of this post is that, I have met someone...this someone that I would say similar but different to the one in my past... :)
in life, there will be nothing perfect...even though my heart is taking its time to heal, it is still wounded by what happened in the past, and that I cannot deny...so now, having this someone sometimes do hurt me, hurt me enough that I know I would cry but I just could not...but despite the hurtful feelings, I am happy to have my dream comes true...
just like in fairy tale, who would believe something totally impossible and ridiculous came to happen to show that it is possible...I was astounded by how fate play before me...I am shocked..
verily, I remembered that God will has 3 answers to our prayers...
whether it is a "not now" or the answer is a "not good for you" or might be a "there is something better"...
and so I know that my prayers have been answered this whole time with a "not now" until the time comes..
but yes, I am very happy...but the happiness keep me to become very secure of my feelings, afraid that it might be hurt again...and again, I am hoping with 0.01% of hope that my heart will not be broken into pieces again for the second time...
that someone is among the important people in my life...
the one that I will always find when that someone is missing,
or the one that I will be happy when that someone is there...
this someone is also the someone that every moments of us together,
will I remember and cherish the happiness between us...
and that someone is just someone that is so special
because that someone is not someone who you can meet on the street...
since this someone will only be available in my heart.. :)
p/s: love you...the "you" that I meant is everyone...you, you, you and YOU... :)
"Walau aku senyum bukan berarti
Aku selalu bahagia dalam hari
Ada yang tak ada di hati ini
Di jiwa ini hampa
Ku bertemu sang adam di simpang hidupku
Mungkin akan ada cerita cinta
Namun ada saja cobaan hidup
Seakan aku hina"
Ayusitha-Tuhan Berikan Aku Cinta
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